Facebook has finalized a deal to purchase Wigglesworth Hall from Harvard University.
The tech giant plans to move its core team, including Mark Zuckerberg, into the building within the month.
“We wanted to recapture what Facebook is really about,” said Zuckerberg. “I started it out of a Harvard dorm room, so this just seems like the natural next step. Back to our roots.”
Dozens of employees are being asked to make the move across the country, under the implied threat that they’ll be left out of company matters and screwed out of ownership stake if they do not.
“When I first started Facebook, people were really excited about it. It was growing. People loved it,” said the Zuck. “They weren’t beleaguered or annoyed. I miss the good ol’ days.”
Current residents of Wigglesworth Hall will be evicted. Harvard has no other housing options available for them.
“I’m doing them a favor,” said Zuckerberg. “Maybe they’ll get like me.”