Banned from Quora

Jersey ShoreVille latest in string of Zynga successes

In Entertainment, Startups on February 23, 2011 at 8:50 am

Zynga launched Jersey ShoreVille earlier this week, shattering their first-day signup record with a whopping 350,000 signups.

“I guess you could say we have a situation here,” said Marc Pincus, Zynga CEO, at a press event.

Jersey Shoreville is unlike anything Zynga has produced, according to Pincus.

The muscleheaded douchebag simulator lets users live a virtual life on the Jersey shore, competing with other virtual guidos and guidettes to maintain the most shallow, useless and generally unproductive lifestyle.

Pincus had the idea for the vapid cunt simulator as he watched MTV’s hit show Jersey Shore.

“In general, I think we had the right notion with Farmville and CityVille. We got people to waste lots and lots of time.”

A problem quickly arose, however. Users were spending their virtual time doing virtually productive tasks.

“We needed people to be wasting time while they were wasting time,” said Pincus. “And so Jersey ShoreVille was born.”

The game has three important daily tasks: Gym, tanning and laundry.

“GTL is everything,” said Mark Lambert, one of the first-day signups. “You have to log in every day and do that first. Don’t even bother creeping in the clubs or on the pier if you haven’t.”

The waste of breathable air simulator features several settings in which to interact, from clubs to the beach to the T-shirt shop. Lambert is one of the top players among his circle of friends, having just attained his avatar’s first high-profile public arrest.

Players who unsuccessfully manage the game’s deeper problems, such as relationship issues and alcoholism, are awarded extra points. It also leverages actual social ties to enhance gameplay.

“I called my girlfriend a whore in the game and gained two levels,” said Lambert. “I was pretty upset when she broke up with me, until I realized it detected the breakup and gave me two more levels.”

Fake is the worst insult possible in the game, but whore is worth several thousand points.

Lambert used the breakup levels to purchase the Situation Down There upgrade which allowed his avatar to more effectively lie about its herpes infection.

“Also, now that we’re no longer together, I have more time to GTL.”

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