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Archive for May, 2011|Monthly archive page

Twitpic reveals new, celebrity-picture-based currency

In Entertainment, Startups, Technology on May 24, 2011 at 5:16 pm

On the heels of its controversial TOS overhaul, Twitpic has launched a new initiative bringing all the pieces together: A new currency system based entirely on celebrity photos.

“I’m so glad we can finally announce the second half of our plan, and put everyone’s fears to rest,” said Noah Everett, founder. “We were never planning to sell user’s pictures for money. Rather, we’re letting you use them as money.”

This picture of Paris Hilton's cat will soon be exchanged for goods and services.

Twitpic’s currency system has launched to compete with the likes of Bitcoin, as well as other virtual payment methods.

“Celebrity pictures are the perfect currency. They’re always being produced, there’s tons of them in circulation, and they have an intrinsic value.” said Everett. “Someone is always going to be interested in that picture of Britney Spears at a family BBQ. You can’t say that about paper money, or about a chunk of gold.”

“The currency is even kept fresh as celebrities become less famous, eventually fading into obscurity. We’ll look back at the days we shoveled dollar bills into furnaces and laugh,” said Everett.

The new Celebrity Photo Currency (CPC) allows Internet users to buy things online with the intellectual property rights of any celebrity photos. As of publication, the currency held strong, with 10 CPC (an assorted collection including Levar Burton family moments, Daniel Radcliffe’s toenail clippings, and Al Yankovic generally being weird) being worth 12 USD, or about two Bitcoins.

Advertisements loses steam as last creeper signs up

In Startups on May 10, 2011 at 2:15 pm

LikeALittle, or, officially signed up the last creeper among the schools where it’s offered today. As a result, sign-up rates for the site have plummeted.

Stephen Q. Martin, unaware of his symbolic status as the last creeper to sign up, posted a flirt about a girl’s feet and another about how a girl reminded him of Sakura, a character from his favorite anime Naruto.

Martin states that his flirts went without a reply.

“They weren’t really my type, anyway,” he said.

A visual representation of celebrated the signup, but whispers among investors in the valley show worry over the stalled growth.

“New creepers come in with every freshman class,” said CEO Evan Reas. “Flat out, we’re just not worried about our membership numbers. We’ve got plenty of expanding to do.”

The rest of Reas’ interview cannot be published, as the Founder Daily Editor has decreed “No more goddamn Facebook articles for a while,” and Reas just wouldn’t stop making the comparison.

Dustin Curtis awkwardly ending all conversations in ‘you should follow me on Twitter here’

In Human Interest, Startups on May 5, 2011 at 11:11 am

Dustin Curtis, the designer who wrote the blog post that popularized the “You should follow me on Twitter here” message seen today on so many blogs, has now started using the phrase in everyday conversation.

“I was like, ‘Where? What?’ He didn’t point or anything. He just said it,” said Shannon Foster, a barista at a coffee shop near Curtis’ home.

Friends of Curtis say the awkward line isn't as bad as the time he wore his personal logo, pictured above, as a mask for a week.

Curtis’ popular phrase has yet to catch on in conversation, likely due to the fact that spoken words cannot be hyperlinked.

“I’m trying it out for a while,” said Curtis. “Actually, I’m trying a few phrases and seeing what works best. Just like I did in the blog post.”

Curtis is committed to finding a way to gain Twitter followers from everyday conversations. He has tried several methods, including a t-shirt, which he considers a cliche.

“There’s just too many Twitter shirts these days,” said Curtis. “You’ve gotta stand out.”

“You should follow me on Twitter here,” he added.

You should follow Founder Daily on Twitter here.

God accidentally reveals universe is testing environment for real universe

In Technology on May 4, 2011 at 6:54 am

A recent, brief change to God’s prayer API revealed an unsettling truth: The universe is just a sandbox testing environment for the real deal.

“I got to see the changes while they were up,” said Paul Hartley, one of the leading experts on the prayer API. “Everything was test.universe this and test.universe that. It was pretty obvious what was going on.”

All references to the testing environment were removed within an hour, but screenshots of the blunder still circulate around the Internet.

The Milky Way Galaxy is likely full of randomly-entered test data and crude inside jokes.

Religious leaders tried to calm followers by claiming the API “testing” references were accidentally “pushed live,” a simple blunder by the omnipotent creator.

“This is the real universe. We are God’s true children,” said Reverend Martin Ashton. “You must keep the faith. You must stay strong. You must use the prayer API as though it were real, because it is real.”

Most programmers remained skeptical.

“It does kind of explain why everything is so fucked up,” said Hartley.