A race of hostile space aliens destroyed major cities and enslaved much of the human population today. Earth’s governments, militaries and citizens stood united in their response to the intergalactic threat.
The response? Laughter.
The Albuquerque Journal, the largest newspaper in the United States, described the April Fool’s communications breakdown as “deeply embarrasing” in an editorial. “Our new overlords are clearly much better suited to the task of guiding humanity’s development than we ever were.”
With the Internet as one of the primary sources for news, humanity never stood a chance, according to communications expert Justin Goldsborough.
“The Internet is useless on April 1st. Not only can you not get info, but the info that’s there is unreliable. They exploi– err, boldly and bravely attacked with that in mind, and here we are,” said Goldsborough, holding up his shackled hands. An overseer promptly disintegrated him for his insolence, leaving the shackles to clatter on the ground.
America’s response to the attack was perhaps the stupidest, with Barack Obama reportedly replying to the initial news of the threat with the words, “Come on, Joe. Stop dicking around and get back to work.”
Vice President Biden now serves as a court jester to the aliens, a role he describes as “pretty much what I did back in DC.”
In a bit of good news, the new overlords announced that the remaining six NBA teams will still be playing in the playoffs, albeit in a new form of Gladiatorial basketball.