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DHH, seven other 37signalers commit seppuku over cat picture incident

In Startups on January 17, 2012 at 7:24 am

Ruby on Rails creator David Heinemeier Hansson and seven other 37 Signals employees have committed ritualistic suicide to restore honor to their company and families.

The ritualized disemboweling came after public outrage over the “outing of a file” in the now infamous Signal vs. Noise post.

Their initial response did little to quell the overwhelming cries of injustice and calls for blood. Faced with immense shame, they chose the only way known to them: Seppuku, the go-to suicide method of the ancient Samurai.

“We have brought great shame upon ourselves,” said Hansson, readying a traditional Japanese tanto at his side. “We do now what we must. We hope that spilling our entrails here today rights the great wrong we have committed against the owner of the cat picture, who of course we cannot name.”

“Since our users’ privacy is of such great importance,” added Hansson, plunging the blade into his own abdomen.

Seven of his employees immediately followed suit, turning the 37 Signals foyer into a bloodbath.

The infamous cat.jpg, the publishing of which here will undoubtedly bring even more shame upon 37 signals.

“I thought their blog post was enough,” said James Stanton, Basecamp user. “But I’m glad to see they went ahead and put out a real, full apology.”

The corpses will be set out in the sun to disgracefully rot for “an appropriate amount of time,” according to 37 Signals’ PR department.

 

Justin.tv ejected from Ruby on Rails community for not being smarmy enough

In Startups, Technology on January 13, 2012 at 3:49 am

A recent post on Djangohire.com has rocked the Ruby on Rails community with the news that Justin.tv is leaving the crystalline palace for the Django slums.

“What happened? I’ll tell you what happened,” said Justin Kan, founder and namesake of the company. “I was at a Ruby event and I said ‘Ruby is just a tool like any other.'”

Kan, sporting an arm cast, declined to comment any further. “My lawyer tells me not to say anything past that.”

Investigation by Founder Daily reveals extensive blacklisting in the Ruby community. The Django community, on the other hand, has accepted the spurned startup with open arms.

“Community?” asked James Penn, avid Python programmer and Django user. “Oh, you mean like, people who use it? Yeah, I guess it’s cool if Justin.tv uses Django too. Is that what you meant? I don’t really understand the question.”

“Ruby is just better,” said every Rubyist we interviewed.

Justin.tv does not yet have a date set for the decidedly worse Django version of their video service.

Twitpic reveals new, celebrity-picture-based currency

In Entertainment, Startups, Technology on May 24, 2011 at 5:16 pm

On the heels of its controversial TOS overhaul, Twitpic has launched a new initiative bringing all the pieces together: A new currency system based entirely on celebrity photos.

“I’m so glad we can finally announce the second half of our plan, and put everyone’s fears to rest,” said Noah Everett, founder. “We were never planning to sell user’s pictures for money. Rather, we’re letting you use them as money.”

This picture of Paris Hilton's cat will soon be exchanged for goods and services.

Twitpic’s currency system has launched to compete with the likes of Bitcoin, as well as other virtual payment methods.

“Celebrity pictures are the perfect currency. They’re always being produced, there’s tons of them in circulation, and they have an intrinsic value.” said Everett. “Someone is always going to be interested in that picture of Britney Spears at a family BBQ. You can’t say that about paper money, or about a chunk of gold.”

“The currency is even kept fresh as celebrities become less famous, eventually fading into obscurity. We’ll look back at the days we shoveled dollar bills into furnaces and laugh,” said Everett.

The new Celebrity Photo Currency (CPC) allows Internet users to buy things online with the intellectual property rights of any celebrity photos. As of publication, the currency held strong, with 10 CPC (an assorted collection including Levar Burton family moments, Daniel Radcliffe’s toenail clippings, and Al Yankovic generally being weird) being worth 12 USD, or about two Bitcoins.

LAL.com loses steam as last creeper signs up

In Startups on May 10, 2011 at 2:15 pm

LikeALittle, or LAL.com, officially signed up the last creeper among the schools where it’s offered today. As a result, sign-up rates for the site have plummeted.

Stephen Q. Martin, unaware of his symbolic status as the last creeper to sign up, posted a LAL.com flirt about a girl’s feet and another about how a girl reminded him of Sakura, a character from his favorite anime Naruto.

Martin states that his flirts went without a reply.

“They weren’t really my type, anyway,” he said.

A visual representation of LAL.com

LAL.com celebrated the signup, but whispers among investors in the valley show worry over the stalled growth.

“New creepers come in with every freshman class,” said LAL.com CEO Evan Reas. “Flat out, we’re just not worried about our membership numbers. We’ve got plenty of expanding to do.”

The rest of Reas’ interview cannot be published, as the Founder Daily Editor has decreed “No more goddamn Facebook articles for a while,” and Reas just wouldn’t stop making the comparison.

Dustin Curtis awkwardly ending all conversations in ‘you should follow me on Twitter here’

In Human Interest, Startups on May 5, 2011 at 11:11 am

Dustin Curtis, the designer who wrote the blog post that popularized the “You should follow me on Twitter here” message seen today on so many blogs, has now started using the phrase in everyday conversation.

“I was like, ‘Where? What?’ He didn’t point or anything. He just said it,” said Shannon Foster, a barista at a coffee shop near Curtis’ home.

Friends of Curtis say the awkward line isn't as bad as the time he wore his personal logo, pictured above, as a mask for a week.

Curtis’ popular phrase has yet to catch on in conversation, likely due to the fact that spoken words cannot be hyperlinked.

“I’m trying it out for a while,” said Curtis. “Actually, I’m trying a few phrases and seeing what works best. Just like I did in the blog post.”

Curtis is committed to finding a way to gain Twitter followers from everyday conversations. He has tried several methods, including a t-shirt, which he considers a cliche.

“There’s just too many Twitter shirts these days,” said Curtis. “You’ve gotta stand out.”

“You should follow me on Twitter here,” he added.

You should follow Founder Daily on Twitter here.

Youtube founders mistakenly purchase Delicious

In Startups on April 27, 2011 at 2:15 pm

Chad Hurley will never again meet with his financial planner in a diner.

Chen and Hurley described the deal as "just short of a clusterfuck."

“The waitress asked me how my pie was,” said Hurley. “I said it was delicious. I guess [my financial planner] Mike was asking me what I wanted to purchase at the same time. We were talking about diversifying.”

Hours later, the deal was closed. Hurley’s Co-founder Steve Chen also signed off on it.

“I thought he was buying it ironically,” said Chen. “You know, like you’d buy an ironic shirt, or a Nickelback CD.”

“It’s no biggie. We spent more than that on a party last week.”

Badgeville solves poverty, moves on to strife

In Startups on April 25, 2011 at 12:51 pm

Poverty around the world officially ended over the weekend, with one valley startup to thank: Badgeville.

“So many people said what we were doing was pointless,” said Badgeville CEO Kris Duggan. “And now here we are. Nobody’s going hungry today and it’s all thanks to gamification and Badgeville.”

Details on the poverty-ending efforts are still coming in, but it appears that customer loyalty programs run as games on websites were a key factor in solving the world’s food shortage problems.

“Every generation up until now has had to deal with hunger. But they didn’t have virtual badges granted through online rewards systems,” said Duggan. “We do. And now we’re aiming even higher.”

Having defeated poverty, Badgeville is now setting its sights on ending conflict around the world.

“Obviously people don’t have to fight over food now, so we’ve already taken one step in the right direction,” said Duggan.

The startup is expected to win the Nobel Peace Prize for their part in ending poverty. Whether they’ll accept an award from a competing service remains to be seen.

Dave McClure furious at plainly styled pitches, e-mails

In Human Interest, Startups on April 19, 2011 at 9:44 am

Dave McClure is pissed.

“Not just pissed,” he says, “but bold and italicized pissed.”

He adds, “Hell, make it red text too. I’m really that mad.”

The 500 Startups founder has had some time to catch up on his e-mails after the launch of 22 startups at the 500 Startups Demo Day, only to be disappointed by a complete lack of effort on the part of senders.

“How am I supposed to know which words are important?” he asks, shaking his screen. “None of them are bold. Not even one blue word or green word.”

McClure asks, "Can you bold the word pissed when you publish this? I dont think they'll get it otherwise."

For McClure, it’s not a new problem. The prominent angel investor pours hours into carefully selecting words to bold, italicize and highlight on his blog and in his e-mails, but fails to get the same response in return.

“It’s like I’m holding the door open for everyone, and everyone is slamming it right in my face,” says McClure. “The other day I had to sit through a PowerPoint presentation which used one typeface for the whole damn thing.”

“I just zoned out,” says McClure. “I once invested in someone who gave me a ride when I needed one. This isn’t hard, people. Control+B. Control+U.”

“Or Command if you’re on a Mac.”

Social coupon site niggard.ly folds, creators blame ‘hostile market’

In Startups on April 14, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Niggard.ly, a deals site similar to Groupon but with a focus on the ultra-cheap, has shut down today.

The two founders, Justin Mackley and Manny Baccalin, blamed a marketplace that was just plain unfriendly to deals sites.

“We’ve seen social media fatigue, and I think we’re seeing deals fatigue now,” said Mackley, who came up with the concept and brand for the site. “We would get dirty looks after just giving our elevator pitch.”

“It was terrible,” added Baccalin. “I couldn’t even get my mom to use the site, or give me feedback on it.”

The pair say they’ve seen ups and downs with the product, but the downs were coming more often.

“Everyone seemed to like it when we were building it,” said Baccalin. “Then we struggled with establishing a brand. I thought it would be all uphill after we found that the niggard.ly domain was available.”

“Such a perfect domain for the product,” said Mackley, who first discovered the domain was available. “It really captured our feel and the niggardly deal-seekers we were after.”

The pair are still undecided on their next project. “All we know is it won’t be in coupons or deals,” said Mackley. “We’ve learned our lesson.”

Michael Arrington starts new blog, TechCrunchCrunch

In Startups on April 5, 2011 at 11:08 am

TechCrunchCrunch, a new metablog from Michael Arrington, launched today to cries of despair from the readership of TechCrunch.

TechCrunchCrunch is expected to somehow set the bar for tech journalism even lower.

“I wanted to capture the essence of TechCrunch,” said Arrington. “What TechCrunch is really about. And that’s TechCrunch. TechCrunch has always been mostly about TechCrunch.”

TechCrunchCrunch will feature the best aspects of TechCrunch, according to Arrington. “Whenever we create news or make up news instead of reporting on news, it’ll be on TechCrunchCrunch.”

Bitching and moaning about the public relations profession will have its own category on the site, with Leena Rao and Alexia Tsotsis leading the charge on inane, full-article complaints that pass even the most basic journalistic filters at other news outlets.

“It’s not just about our minor, daily professional struggles, of course,” said Arrington. “We’ll also have categories for our own events and products. Like the Crunchpad.”

“Remember the Crunchpad? Those were the days,” he said, gazing longingly into the distance. “Those were the days.”

In its first day, TechCrunchCrunch has already posted 36 articles, all of which are meandering, stream-of-consciousness gripes about their new owner, AOL.